Death to Blind Submission

I’m over black men expecting black women to submit to them blindly, without so much as a 6-month track record. If the submission is not earned, it is not genuine. Demanding blind submission creates a performative and exploitative relationship. Black women become the mules of the relationship, we assume all of the emotional labor, and value ourselves on our ability to be the rock for black men and still be our own person.

I refuse.

  • If my submission can’t be honest, I don’t want you.
  • If you can’t prove to me why you deserve my submission, I don’t want you.
  • If you believe submission is synonymous with abuse/control, I do NOT want you.

Now, let’s address the elephant in the fucking room shall we?

Some of you black men aren’t at the level to even have a conversation about submission, let alone demand that shit blindly.

You need to earn our submission, and you need to be receptive when we choose not to submit. There hasn’t been one minute since we landed on the shores of this country that we haven’t loved and championed for black men, not one, so if we choose not to submit or we are resistant towards the idea, respect it. You owe us that.

We have no idea who you are or what you’re capable of, it’s important to keep that in mind when discussing the act of submission. We deserve to know how you’ve accomplished goals in the past, we deserve to see you actively pursue goals (big or small), and we deserve emotionally intelligent men who love themselves and are secure in their manhood. We fucking deserve that shit.

But when black men demand submission blindly, and we in turn, submit, it’s often because we share skin, and to that I say: Hell no. It’s unfair and counterproductive, because we have no idea where you will lead us, or if you have the ability to lead us in the first place. Past behavior, an active presence, and a man who is secure within himself makes a world of difference in regards to submission. Black men, rid yourself of the idea that we as black women owe you our submission, we do not. We deserve the chance to come to the conclusion to submit to you on our own, and to do so with the understanding that you will be the man we expect you to be, and the man you have shown us to be. I love black men, and I will always be honest with you all, but y’all have to be receptive, and you have to allow us the opportunity to be honest with you.

Black men, the onus is on you, do the work and earn our submission.

Let us be honest with our love, let our admiration be sincere, let us genuinely honor you as men and partners. You deserve that, we deserve that, let it happen. That’s respect, that’s reverence, that’s grace, that’s black love.