I always talk shit about women who empower and motivate other women mainly because it is always dishonest and self-serving. I try to keep an open mind because I know there are women who need whatever positive reinforcement they can get, and that is the ONLY reason why I bite my tongue, but in this political climate, with the increasing turmoil between genders, I refuse to stay silent.
If your empowerment or motivation for women ignores patriarchy, sexism, or misogyny your intent is dishonest and you should shut up.
A lot of women don’t like admitting that they are oppressed, so they don’t talk about it, and they don’t focus on it, instead they suppress it, and keep moving. They use the “success” they achieved through the path that they carved for themselves as an example and project that on to other women. It is not always that cut and dry though. Acknowledging oppression does not necessarily make you a victim, and it doesn’t negate the pursuance for success or happiness. Being honest about the shit that women go through and how that affects them can help them better understand their trials and tribulations. It doesn’t cost shit to be honest.
All women are actively oppressed. When women who are being visibly abused (emotionally or physically), stifled in their relationships, subjected to toxic work environments, or simply have no agency, seek empowerment from other women and they are given fake deep ass pep talks, it means nothing. By the time the pep talk is over and that woman goes back home to her abusive partner, or back to her toxic work environment none of that fake ass empowerment or encouragement matters.
I know all women aren’t feminists, whatever I don’t care about that. What I do care about is honesty. You cannot empower or motivate women if you don’t talk about their role in society as women. Ignoring that proves that you don’t care about empowering anyone, you don’t care about inspiring or motivating anybody, you care about how you are perceived by the women you’re trying to inspire, and the people from the outside looking in. I’m not judging you, but I’m telling you that you need to shut up.
When I was growing up, my mother and grandmother encouraged me as a little girl because they were honest with me, they kept shit real on a level that I could understand and it evolved as I got older. They never mentioned anything about feminism or womanism, they just kept shit real. Their intent was honest and genuine because they told me what I didn’t want to hear, they told me the bad, ugly, and evil to give me an honest account of what it is like to be a black woman. There was nothing pretentious about their approach; they could not have been more sincere if they tried. So you have to excuse me if I feel like most of the women that I see trying to motivate other women are bull-shitters.
The blanket motivational statements, fake ass deep thoughts, weak ass perspectives, girl you sound like a natural born fool.
I’m not saying don’t be positive or optimistic. I’m not saying don’t promote love, happiness, joy, and peace. But when women need real honest encouragement, give them real honest encouragement, or shut up. Stop trying to motivate women while disparaging other women. Stop telling women that you can only help them if they want to be helped. Stop using other women to feed your ego. Women are out here hurting and needing their sisters, and it kind of pisses me off that there are women who use that to their advantage and feel the need to be self-serving when they claim to be helping others.
If your empowerment ends as soon as you stop talking, you should’ve stayed quiet in the first place.
What are you doing to actively help other women? How are you working to promote empowerment for all women? What is your goal? What are you teaching? What have you learned? What is your fucking point? You have to be honest, you have to be introspective, you have to be inclusive, and you have to be genuine.
You also have to shut up. Sometimes the best way to empower others is to let them vent without giving your take. Let them talk, let them scream, cry, cuss, break shit, give them the space to let that shit out.
Women are not always given the space to be themselves, or to express themselves. I firmly believe that sometimes the best advice is no advice. Women often mock men and provide unsolicited advice to women who didn’t ask them shit and simply just want to be heard. It is absolutely possible for women to invade the space of other women, and it is equally if not more hurtful when a woman does it than when a man does it. Sometimes you have to shut your fucking mouth, IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU! Don’t answer questions that weren’t asked and don’t speak on shit that you don’t know about. Don’t push your belief systems or perspective on others and don’t lie to protect their feelings.
This is why whenever I see women empowering other women, I ignore it, I like to think that they are actually helping women who are looking for someone who cares, in which case any kind of fake empowerment or encouragement is helpful. To prevent myself from being too cynical, I turn a blind eye. But if you have ever wanted to inspire or motivate women honestly and genuinely, take the time to do so without centering yourself. Make it about them and their needs, be a listening ear, be a shoulder to cry on, give an honest account of what it’s like to be a woman, be honest about the issues that women face, and how that correlates to the way women define their womanhood. That’s how you empower women without making it about YOU, that’s how your encouragement remains honest and genuine.
If you can’t do that, do us all a favor and keep your fucking mouth shut.