Ever since my daddy died in 2011 the holidays have been really hard for me. Not to mention my grandmother died 2 weeks before Christmas in 2013, so needless to say I struggle to get through the holidays every year. I try to reflect on past holidays, spending Thanksgiving at my grandparents house in North Carolina & going to my great grandma’s house for an oyster roast. Having Christmas at home in Memphis & waiting for my daddy to come over to put my toys together. Singing Motown Christmas songs with my granny & cooking. Decorating the house for Christmas with my mom and sister, singing and acting silly. All beautiful memories that keep me grounded and give me a sense of home, even though I’m 2,000 miles away from them.
Now that I’ve moved across the country (again) those memories are what get me through the holidays. They give me a sense of peace no matter where I am or how depressed I may feel.
I do get sad, sometimes I’m racked with crippling depression to the point that I can’t even make myself get out of bed, but I’m still grateful to be here. That’s what I have to focus on, that’s how I pull myself out of my own head & be present for the holidays. I’m still here. I have a presence, even if they don’t & as much as I love & miss them & as much as I always will, I’m still here, present, living, & thriving.
I’m grateful for that! I’ll always be grateful for that!
The holidays aren’t always joyous for everyone, but the most important thing to remember is that you are here, you are present, and your presence matters. If you can’t think of anything to be grateful for, be grateful for that! ❤️