For the past couple of days I have been on social media going in on racism, and a lot of cishet black men have been reaching out to me to thank me for my refreshing and educated perspective. They try to compliment me by thanking me for being “Pro-black” not being like “other females,” telling me to “school these women out here” or “we need more black women like you” but I can smell a straight up sexist ass man through the phone. All of these “compliments” are backhanded and based on qualifiers that I don’t care about. They think that my perspective is black first, gender second, I know this because I know these type of men. So yes, this shit infuriated the hell out of me.
First of all, nigga shut the fuck up.
That shit is not endearing and it is not a fucking compliment. I will not allow a black man, or any man to compliment me while disparaging other women by calling them “females” my pursuance of political, social, and economic equality for black people includes all black people, black women, disabled black people, gay black people, black trans people, poor black people, ALL OF US! Not just cishet black men! Not just cis-people, not just educated black people, all of us! Don’t tell me to school these women out here I don’t put myself on a pedestal over my sisters, I learn from them and they learn from me. I NEVER waste an opportunity to provide a race and gender analysis on current events. NEVER! And please don’t insult my intelligence by insinuating that there aren’t a lot of black women out here actively engaged and educating in their communities. There are plenty of black women out here like me, but y’all black men want us to put race first and gender second, instead of combining the two, or putting gender first. Not fucking likely. And who in the hell do you think I learned it from? Black women have been teaching me the ways of black women since I was in utero, and they will continue to teach me until the day I die. Getcho fuckin facts straight!
As I stated in my post about oppression –>Read it here<– my oppression is intersectional and is essentially based on both my race and my gender. I am a black woman and I am aware of the shit that black women face, my perspective, although rooted in my race, is also defined by my gender.
I am a black woman, and I will not choose one liberation over the other. I will have both or I will die trying.
In case the title was not clear, please know that my perspective on life, society, and everything else is unequivocally, unyieldingly, and forever will be that of a black woman. Both my blackness and my womanhood will always be incorporated in any discussion I have. Save your back handed ass compliments, I don’t want them, and I’m not flattered by them. I go hard for my people, I love me some black people, all of em, including black cishet men. HOWEVER, what you are not gonna fucking do is erase my damn gender. It is who I am and why I am the way I am, I love being a woman, and I love being black, I will not choose one over the other and I don’t give a shit how radical that may sound. I’m fighting for both because I am both. If I ain’t shit else out here in these streets, I’m a whole black woman.
I experience racism differently, I suffer from classism differently, and I navigate capitalism DIFFERENTLY. I don’t have the ability to choose race over gender or gender over race.
I shouldn’t have to choose, and I shouldn’t be made to feel bad if I don’t choose. I don’t expect a colonized mind to understand that, especially not a black one. So I don’t argue my point with black cishet men, because I Don’t Explain Shit to Men, so they can argue with themselves. But, I also don’t allow black men to overlook my black womanhood for the sake of uplifting and progressing the black community, and that’s what has been happening to me on social media. I’m fucking sick of it too, mainly because I love black men, and it’s almost heartbreaking how blind they are to their own sexist, misogynistic views when it comes to black women. I always expect more from black men, because I fucking love black men. So if you notice a tinge of anger in this, that is an accurate assessment.
Now, I’m aware that there are black women who advocate for race first, gender second, or believe that black men will be there for us if we need them so they don’t advocate for gender at all. I think that’s dumb as fuck, but I also understand it. Sometimes it’s too much to fight for sexism and racism. Sometimes it’s easier to pander to men that look like you, there’s a sense of safety with your own kind, especially if you don’t have the ability or the resources to fight both fights and you HAVE to choose…I get it. But that don’t mean I’m with it, so approach me with caution.
Black women have ALWAYS had to put their womanhood on the back burner to focus on the progression of black people, and that progression has always been focused solely on black men. As much as I love black men and as much as I always will, I cannot deny the presence of misogynoir in our community and my love for black men will never outweigh the love I have for myself. If black men truly love and appreciate my perspective as a black woman, like they keep telling me then they would understand. They wouldn’t disparage other black women to praise me or thank me. But almost everyday I realize that they don’t fucking understand. It always hurts more when the misogyny comes from black men than when it comes from any other race. I expect black men to be understanding and supportive, because they are fucking black, they also have black mamas, sisters, daughters, grandmas, aunts, but none of that matters, because at the end of the day, they’re not black women. They are still men, and they are misogynistic, just like all men, and I can’t ignore that but I can’t let it derail my pursuance of liberation as a black woman.
I am aware of black men who actively work alongside black women and advocate for our equality, you are appreciated, and you are loved, but you are not excluded. Let this be a reminder that there are black men who do not feel the same as you. Let this be a reminder for you to always check yo boys on their misogynoir. Don’t become complacent. Remember to use your privilege to incorporate black women, shift the conversation to us so we can speak our truth, don’t co-opt our intellectual labor. Don’t speak for us.
Let this blog post be a friendly reminder to black men, black women, and everybody else that this black woman right here, will not abandon her gender to fight for her race, and vice versa. The oppressive state of a black woman is situated in the middle of two deathly oppressive systems, don’t ask us to choose, don’t shame us if we don’t choose, and as fucking always…
LISTEN TO BLACK WOMEN!