Let’s Talk About Sex

A friend of mine pointed out that I have yet to blog about my favorite thing in life: Sex. So I have vowed to post at least 8 blog posts about sex this month. Now, if you haven’t noticed I am naturally a very vulgar person, and I won’t be changing when I talk about sex. If you don’t follow me on social media then consider this blog post a brief introduction to my brand of sexual openness. I will be transparent, but I will also be opinionated, so take everything I say with a grain of salt. All of this info is based on MY sexual experiences, my main goal here is to prove how sex is an important part of my life and how much I value sex as a spiritual, liberating, and enjoyable act. I don’t stigmatize sex and I don’t deny myself pleasure. I thoroughly enjoy sex and I’m not shy about it. But for now, I want to focus on three issues that are very important to me. 

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If you’re immature about sex, just stop reading…

If you think sex is only good when you’re in love…LMAO! I’m not for you baby. I don’t equate love to sex. I do, however, believe that there is a certain level of intimacy when you have sex with someone you’re in love with, but I feel like that same level of intimacy can be felt when you’re spending quality time with your significant other and it shouldn’t be restricted to only sex. So either way that perspective means nothing to me. I don’t have to love or have any emotional attachment to a man in order to have sex with him and I won’t force myself to either. Basing my sex life on my emotional attachment to men is purely patriarchal, I reject that. I have sex with men I’m sexually attracted to, it really is that simple. My love for them or lack thereof is irrelevant. If I happen to develop feelings, great! If not, still great!

Also, if you believe that the main goal for sex is to cum, I would like for you to reevaluate what you consider good sex. I will touch on this in a separate post but I want to let it be known now that for ME cumming does not always mean the sex was good. Now when I was 18-19 yes, but at 26…nah! I had to learn the hard way that basing sex around an orgasm will often leave you disappointed, you have to find a way to enjoy sex in its entirety. Don’t get me wrong, that shit is important but EYE have learned that I can’t base my sexual life around cumming ALL the time. For MEEEE when I don’t focus on it and just focus on enjoying myself, I usually cum anyway. Works for me…but I mean that’s just me!

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If you think sex happens to women and not with women…BYE!

There are a lot of people who think this way and try to hide it, but I can (usually) see right through their shit. It’s always kind of hard for me to spot the women who think this way, mainly because I’m not sexually attracted to women. I’m working on paying better attention to these kind of discussions because when women perpetuate this idea it just makes it easier for men to keep thinking that it’s true, and it is not. It is a harmful concept that is deeply embedded in rape culture.

When men think sex happens to women instead of with women they infringe on our agency. Men, please understand that when you have sex with a woman, she has an equal role in the act. Do not undermine her agency as a person by approaching sex on the basis that she is just on the receiving end of your dick, because she is not. Not only does this make you a selfish sexual partner, but you’re also objectifying women. It is important that as a man, you are aware of the power dynamic between yourself and the woman you are sexually involved with. That means being aware of the space you’re taking up, (*especially during sex) and acknowledging the presence of the woman you are having sex with. If you can’t or find it hard to come to terms with the fact that sex happens with women and not to them don’t project that onto women, that is a YOU problem. Stay away from women until you get your shit together.

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When women think sex happens to them instead of with them, they compromise their presence during sex and that can mean a lot of different things. If you believe that your role in sex is not equal, then the sex will always be about him and his needs, leaving you spent and objectified solely for his satisfaction. That should not be okay with you, you should want more for yourself and expect more from your sexual partner(s). The idea that sex happens to women and not with them is also a huge factor in sexual assault and rape. You must be present during sex in case you have to retract your consent for whatever reason. If you are not comfortable or unsure about the direction the sex is going, SPEAK UP! Use your voice! Understand that you are an EQUAL part of this act, and if you want something to change or if you want the sex to end, you have the right as an EQUAL partner to say so.

Whenever EYE have sex it is because I want to, so under no circumstance is sex ever happening TO me, it is happening WITH me. I am an equal part in the act. I’m not a hole for a man’s dick. For the people who have a hard time pinpointing these kind of people, I have a few ways to spot them, at least the men anyway.

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    • He only talks about what HE wants to do TO you.
    • If his approach to sex is self-serving.
    • He skips foreplay. (Leave him sis)
    • He asks you to do things to him that he won’t do to you.
    • He ignores body language during sex (huge red flag).
    • He has no interest in pleasing you, unless it pleases him. (selfish)

     

    Don’t say “consensual sex” around me, like ever.

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Ok so look, sex is always consensual. Always. Classifying sex as “consensual sex” is redundant. If consent has not been explicitly given, it is not sex, it is rape. Don’t insult my intelligence by insinuating in any way, shape, or form that anything I talk about lacked my or my partner(s) explicit consent. It did not. This may sound like a useless point to make, but with the spotlight on sexual assault/harassment and rape, it is very important. I will eventually write about the topic of consent and how we as society ignore consent, but for now, just know that sex is always consensual and rape is not. We will not be perpetuating or fueling any kind of rape culture on this here blog baby so don’t bring that shit on here.

 

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Sex is a tricky subject, even though it shouldn’t be. There’s a lot I want to say about it and I have some experiences that I want to draw on for these posts, but at the end of the day sexual experiences are personal, so this is a judge-free zone. So don’t bring that shit on my blog! In general we are very immature about sex. As adults we often have a hard time vocalizing what pleases and displeases us, I know because I used to be like that. So I get it. I’m hoping that by being transparent and HONEST we can rid ourselves of our immaturity and enjoy sex the way we were always meant to. That’s my hope anyway. So I hope you all are ready for honest conversations and assessments on sex. Follow my blog so you can stay up to date with new blog posts about sex at least twice a week for the rest of the month!

 

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*****My views on sex are from the perspective of a cis-gender heterosexual woman. If my views in any way offend anyone in the LGBTQ community, anyone who is asexual, or aromantic, that is not my intent. Do not hesitate to call me out on my shit.*****