People are so freaked out about anal sex and it makes me sad. I am a huge advocate for anal sex and I think it deserves more attention. If you’ve never dabbled in a little ass fucking and you are squeamish or hesitant about the idea, I understand, I was too at first. I did A LOT of research because the thing that scared me the most was the thought of how much it would hurt. (it didn’t hurt by the way) Through research and with the help of a patient partner I was able to allow my anus to live its best life and I haven’t looked back since. So, I’m gonna share some things that have helped me prosper in my anal sex life.
Do your research
Anytime you think of trying a new sexual activity I recommend doing your own research. Do your Googles, talk to ya girls, talk to your partner, don’t take anyone’s word for face value. (not even mine) Do research, compare the information, and make your own decisions accordingly. When I became interested in anal sex the first thing I did was look up the pros and cons and determine if I wanted to go further. I also read about the horror stories (I won’t share that here) it didn’t scare me, but I needed to know how bad it could really get. Once I did my research and made up my mind, I felt more comfortable.
Talk to your partner
Once you’ve done your research and have decided to have anal sex or not, go talk to your partner. Even though some people aren’t into anal sex, it is still important to have these conversations about your boundaries and needs for sex. It’s also important to allow your partner the time to make his decision as well. Either way, it’s a conversation that needs to happen, especially if your partner is interested in anal sex. If you are both new to this it can be a beautiful experience, honest communication is key though.
If you read my blog post about sucking dick >Read it here< then you know that I believe in training for sex, and anal sex ain’t no different.
Under no circumstance should you allow a man to slide his dick up your ass without properly training your anus FIRST. DO NOT DO THAT! If you don’t take anything else away from this blog post, please take that!
This is why I said you should do your research because you need to be able to gauge what is the best method to train your asshole before you allow a penis inside of it. For me, I found that the easiest way to ease myself into anal sex was to get involved in anal play during sex. I was naturally squeamish about men touching my asshole. I would immediately tense up and become defensive. I had to overcome that if I wanted to allow my anus to live its best life.
When I say anal play I mean simple shit like fingers and tongues. I don’t know about y’all but getting used to my asshole being touched was a BIG deal for me. After a couple of weeks of light anal play I was finally ready to upgrade to actually being fingered in my ass before and during sex. The most important thing to remember during anal training is to work on your timeline, remember it is YOUR asshole, you set the tone and you make the rules. Don’t let your partner rush you!
Invest in some quality butt plugs, anal beads, and anal vibrators, all of these helped me immensely. I would also invest in anal training toys, they are very helpful and usually come with butt plugs that range in sizes to help you gauge your level of anal comfort.
Another important part of anal training is lubrication! There’s no such thing as too much lube, you don’t want any friction when sliding anything up your ass. The whole point in engaging in anal sex is for pleasure, much like vaginal sex, you want it nice and wet. Never go dry up the ass! Some people opt for spit, no. Use lube. I prefer warming lube, but use lube nonetheless.
It is a lot easier to ease butt plugs and a penis in and out when they and your asshole are lubricated.
When using your anal sex toys remember to take your time, be patient, be honest about how it feels, and communicate with your partner the ENTIRE time. That’s why I think anal training sex toys are so beneficial because you can start with the smallest and work your way up. Follow the directions that come with your anal training kit. It’s helpful. I would also suggest ending your anal training with a butt plug that closely resembles the width of your partners dick to give you an idea of how full you are gonna feel. It will also stretch your asshole out and help prevent pain during penis insertion. I found that stretching my asshole with butt plugs worked best in 3-4 minute increments, you don’t want to push the whole thing in. Give yourself 3-4 minutes, or longer before pushing it in further, again, work on your timeline. You want to work your way up and allow your anus to stretch and get used to the feeling of being stuffed. This comes in handy when you eventually have anal sex, and you’re not just being filled. Because there is a difference.
Anal sex is like vaginal sex, you are actually having sex, it’s intercourse in your ass. You are literally being fucked. However, when you just have something shoved in your asshole like a butt plug, anal beads, dildo, another penis, you’re not actually having anal sex, you’re just being filled. Sometimes being stuffed is enough though. The orgasm you get from vaginal sex while having your anus filled is nothing short of amazing. I’m just saying!
I have never used a dildo or any kind of toy to have anal sex. It’s pointless to me. The idea of toys during anal sex is to be filled and stretched, when it’s time to actually have sex I want a human penis not a toy. This is my personal preference. This is also why the 3-4 minute increment is so important to me. Once you actually engage in anal sex, and you’re actually having intercourse it will feel a lot better since you have given your anus a chance to get used to being stuffed with different sized butt plugs. You should still take it slow though especially if you’re a novice.
STAY SOBER! If you are engaging in anal sex for the first time, I would recommend that you and your partner are sober the entire time. You need to be aware of what’s going on so you can communicate with your partner. Alcohol numbs you and you don’t want to tear anything back there, you need to remain present the entire time. Also, your partner needs to be able to immediately respond to your demands. Neither of you should be inebriated during anal training or anal sex for the first couple of times. Lay off them dranks!
STAY SAFE! I have never engaged in raw anal sex, but when I do, (because I probably will) I will continue my practice of having anal sex last, and I will need my partner to clean himself before we get started. (I’m paranoid, I can’t help it) It is not sanitary to go from vagina to anus or vice versa with the same condom. PUT ON A NEW CONDOM! This is why I always save the best for last. I don’t want to risk anything, and neither should you.
GO SLOW! I can’t stress this enough. Anal sex, stuffing, all of it should start slow. Even though I actively engage in anal sex, I never allow a man to ram his dick up my ass. We go slow, until EYE feel comfortable enough for the sex to begin. It is also important to go slow when pulling out. If he pulls out too fast it is possible that your bowels may have shifted and then you’re left with a mess. Which leads me to my next couple of quick tips…
DROP THEM KIDS OFF! If I know for a fact that I’m only having anal sex or if I plan on being alone with a man for a couple of days I make sure I take a laxative first. This is not necessary, but it’s something I do to prevent the mess I previously mentioned. I have been fortunate, I’ve never defecated during anal sex *knocks on wood* but I still take a laxative beforehand, if I can anyway, and it has been very helpful.
SIT ON THE TOILET AFTERWARDS! Ok so we’re all adults here we all know what the anus is used for. If you are squeamish about bodily fluids I don’t know how you have had sex this far. Fecal matter is just a part of anal sex. If that makes you uneasy that’s fine! Maybe anal sex just isn’t for you, which is also fine! However, if you do engage in anal sex I would suggest sitting on the toilet afterwards and allow yourself to release whatever bodily fluids are up there. Whether you sit on the toilet or not, it’s gonna come down, but it would be more sanitary to have it come down in a toilet.
READ THIS ARTICLE about anal sex from Teen Vogue. I remember the backlash that Teen Vogue got for publishing this article, but I think it is very helpful. People have been engaging in anal sex since forever. Why not educate people instead of pretending it doesn’t happen? Or worse…stigmatizing it and scaring people from trying it. This article is a must read.
At the end of the day, these are my tips, suggestions, and recommendations, but as I said, don’t take my word for face value. Do your own research! This is a personal experience and everybody is different. What works for me may not work for you and vice versa. The most important thing is to be safe, be vocal, and have fun.
If you have any tips, suggestions or funny stories let me know! We’re trying to let our anus live its best life!