A lot of people are pregnant around me, co-workers, friends, family, everybody, and it’s beautiful. I love a good celebration, I don’t care what it’s for, I will gladly attend.
But don’t invite me to yo ugly ass gender reveal parties.
I’ve already received 4 invites and if I receive another one I may have to cuss a bitch out. So please, save yourself the time and save me some energy. I’m not coming and I’m not celebrating you mis-gendering your unborn child in the name of ceremony.
I don’t know how many times people have to be reminded that gender is a social construct. Yes, it has real material affects, but it is still a social construct, much like race. For a parallel reference read my blog post on race here. People uncritically conflate gender and sex and base it on biology, because most people believe common=factual, but that is an untruth. Just because it is common for female humans to identify as women, does not mean that female genitalia are inextricably linked to women.
That’s what the fuck people do at these ugly ass gender reveals. So, with all disrespect, fuck yo gender reveals. They’re not based on science, they’re not based on autonomy, they’re based on prejudices and bio-essentialist principles, and they’re harmful. There’s not enough colorful smoke and gaudy ass cakes in the world to mask it either.
Chromosome combinations do not determine gender, because as I stated, gender is a SOCIAL construct, not a BIOLOGICAL one.
The two human sex chromosomes are X and Y and most humans have XX or XY, yes, but you cannot conclude a number of human genders from that because not all humans are XX or XY. These karyotypes are closely associated with physical traits, not gender. Assuming that because you’re a woman your karyotype is XX is not factual unless you’ve been tested, you have no idea. To suggest otherwise is intellectually dishonest. I think we all learned in school that nothing is ever absolute in science, right? Therefore, it is safe to assume that sex chromosomes do not 100% explain the variation. Right? Stay with me here…Keep in mind that intersex people exist, XX humans can have male bodies, and XY humans can have female bodies. Nothing is certain, which again, is why it does nobody any good to attempt to extrapolate the number of human genders from sex chromosome karyotypes.
So, in short, no, you don’t know that your unborn child is a boy or a girl until they tell you.
Gender in and of itself is a social phenomenon. It is shared behaviors, a concept of perception that is maintained by society that create genders, that’s it! Not biological sex, not appearance, and definitely not yo ugly ass gender reveals. Sex variations in humans are vast, but because we are invested in categorizing everything, we want concrete reasons why a man is a man and why a woman is a woman to support our bigotry. That’s the jest of it. There is no other reason for people to draw demarcations between groups of people other than to support their own prejudices.
The gag is, when you project your ugly ass gender/sex prejudices onto unborn children, you reinforce the gender binary that supports the idea that men, because they are men, are superior, which makes women inferior, because we are women.
In order for people to make sense of their intellectually dishonest, ugly ass gender reveals they have to force that gender and the respective gender role on their child, in utero. This is forced socialization. It starts innocent enough with names and all that other cute shit, but eventually what began as a way for parents to raise a miniature version of themselves, turns into a denial of self-determination. This is how socialization works. Girls are taught that because they are female they must be nice, not take up too much space, smile, be approachable, learn to share, etc. While boys are taught that because they are male they shouldn’t take no for an answer, be strong, emote less, demand more, be forceful, etc. Sure, you may raise your child with different qualities, you may have been raised differently, that’s fine, but let’s not play like we weren’t socialized by our parents and forced into a gender with the respective role all but adhered to our fucking souls.
Let’s be honest for once and admit that our conceptualization of womanhood, manhood, femininity, masculinity, and the like are not ideas of our own, but rather traditional principles that were taught to us, dare I say, forced on us.
You may think that a gender reveal does not have the ability to do this kind of damage, but it is not the ceremony per se, it is the principles behind the ceremony. It is the way expecting parents have already made up their mind how they want their child to be or what they want their child to be. There’s little to no regard to the autonomy of the child when it comes to their identity. When children are born, their identity is already selected for them, their gender, their role, all pre-selected. This kind of logic is bio-essentialist, it is why most cis women don’t know how to define themselves outside of their genitalia, their ability to reproduce, their ability to be nurturers, homemakers, etc. It is why cis men link their manhood to their ability to provide, control, and conquer. These are roles, they are not innate qualities of a woman or a man.
This is the result of conflating gender and biological sex. Unfortunately, it adversely affects women because as usual, we get the shit end of the stick. So, surely you can imagine my immense displeasure when I see women participating in this shit. Celebrating the pre-selected gender of an unborn child and subsequently indoctrinating them with the respective gender role will never NOT be problematic. It is indicative of your fucked up gender politics, I see right through it and I ain’t with it.
I could be naïve and say that gender reveals are nothing more than a celebration of life, but since I’m not, I won’t. It is more than pink clothes or blue clothes, tutu’s or pistols, it is literally and figuratively the beginning of the socialization process. Gender reveals are nothing more than ceremonies that celebrate the reinforcement of the harmful gender binary at the expense of your unborn child and I won’t fucking support it. The only thing uglier than watching grown ass adults celebrate the beginning of forced socialization is watching grown ass adults lament over the thought of having a daughter instead of a son, in which case, not only are your gender reveals ugly as fuck, but so is your character.
Have a nice day.