Black Feminists, Let Black Men be Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable

I want black feminists to stop watering down their pursuance of liberation to appease black men. We cannot dismantle patriarchy, and be concerned with men’s comfort. Not even black men.

The only thing found in a state of comfort is stagnation, complicity, & toxicity. You cannot grow or progress in a state of comfort. It’s dangerous. Black men are uncomfortable with the idea of black women speaking about our oppression. Instead of trying to rid them of their state of discomfort, let them embrace it so they can learn. I know it’s hard, because we have been socialized from birth to coddle men and put them first, but consider your humanity. It is worth more than their hurt feelings and bruised egos.

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It’s time for black men to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.

Patriarchy will not be eradicated if the narrative of our oppression is curtailed for the comfort of black men. I don’t care how much we love them. It’s not enough, because they are still MEN and they benefit from patriarchy. This is a simple concept, but because black men aren’t discriminated against because of their gender, they are mostly ignorant to this. Stop being sympathetic to this ignorance and be steadfast in your pursuance of liberation. As black women, we have to have these conversations about black men. That shit is our reality, due to proximity, they are our biggest threat. That’s just what it is. At the very least, they can put their pride, comfort, and privilege to the side and listen to us. If they care about us or our community they will listen, learn, and self-correct. If not, then let them die on that hill. Their comfortability is not our concern. Don’t contradict yourself by calling yourself a feminist and centering the comfort of men. At that point, I have to question your intent. If you put men before yourself in the name of feminism, then it is safe for me to assume that you care more about appeasing to men who will be less likely to harm you than the liberation of all women. That’s a problem for me.

I resent the apologetic tone of my fellow black feminists, who are constantly explaining that their pursuance of liberation is not anti-men.

Patriarchy cannot exist if women are to be liberated and since black men are still MEN, they not only participate in patriarchal violence, but they benefit from it. I am not the black feminist you want to follow if you want a comfortable space to discuss sexism, feminism, or patriarchy. I’m not spoon feeding black men the reasons why my humanity is valid. I don’t give a fuck who they are. I’m not expressing my love for black men when I tell them to be accountable for the shit they do. Love, real love, is nothing without accountability. I’m not interested in being apologetic, showing constraint, or playing coy. I’m a black woman who deserves respect. I’m vehemently against sexism and anyone who is invested in it. I don’t give a shit who you are or what your reason is. I’m against the system, the construct, and the oppression.

I will not mince my words for anyone’s comfort. That is not my nature.

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