Time and time again I tell people that I don’t subscribe to societal norms and that I have divested from the idea that I have to be more than what I am in order to be considered worthy. I keep saying it, I keep making the parallels through literature, current events, history, music, TV, any and everything, and STILL I’m bombarded by women telling me that I’m lonely, bitter, and will never find anyone.
I have thoughts about this…
First of all, the idea that loneliness, bitterness, and being single is detrimental for women is an idea that is steeped so deep in patriarchy that I don’t even think I have the knowledge to analyze it. Yes, I get lonely sometimes, it happens. I’ve known people in full fledge marriages who were lonely. Also, bitterness, my friends, is a justifiable emotion. That so many people, especially women, equate bitterness as a woman’s trait is exactly why I don’t deny whatever bitterness I may have.
In the face of oppression, the oppressed don’t have to be happy, smiling, and joyful. The oppressed can be bitter. It’s justified.
Furthermore, I think the real issue here is that these women are upset.
They’re angry because they feel shortchanged. We were all taught that we had to do things a certain way to get certain results and then you see women who reject that, do what they want, and still reap the benefits.
That’s a hard pill to swallow for women with no agency.
I do what the fuck I want without worrying about societal standards and the blessings still come in and even when they don’t I deal with it accordingly and move on. I can see why that would be upsetting to women who believe that they have to bargain their social capital, shrink themselves, and suppress their sexual desires in order to succeed in life.
I get it, but I don’t care.
I don’t let people project shit on to me, the same way I don’t allow insignificant shit to validate me.
I told y’all before, that I can’t be moved.
After the shit that I’ve been through, I can honestly say that there’s nobody dead or alive that could shake me or invalidate who I am as a person or what I have to offer. It’s just not possible. I don’t shy away from critique or criticism because I am secure enough in myself and my personal power. I can take in what needs to be taken in and discard the rest, without missing a beat because I did the fucking
W O R K.
You not finna move me.
I told y’all why, and I still get questioned and shamed for moving the way I do without any regard to societal norms. That let’s me know that this is more of a YOU issue than anything.
I’m just Kristine.
I do what I have to do and whenever I find pockets throughout my day when I can do what I want, I do just that. I live my life how I see fit. I define my own values and prioritize the things that are important to me. I don’t run to anybody for confirmation or validation and I don’t trip when shit doesn’t always go my way. You know why?
Because at the end of the day, when it’s all said and done…
I know that any decisions that I make are based on the principles that I govern my life by. They are reflective of my agency and my character and have little to do with societal standards. So, no, those empty threats mean nothing to me, my interest, much like my priorities are elsewhere.
I’m just not on that wave.