Black people, we have to admit that sexism exists. I do not know of any group of people that willfully ignore oppressive systems that affect their pursuance of liberation like black people ignore sexism. By ignoring sexism we ignore the plight of the black woman and therefore perpetuate the oppressive state black women have been subjected to for centuries.
As a black woman I have noticed that the arbitrary rules of being a queen in the black community is based on the idea of serving black men, and displaying strength in the face of adversity without so much as breaking a sweat. It’s all just so fucking ugly. Keep your qualifiers.
My perspective, although rooted in my race, is also defined by my gender. I am a black woman, and I will not choose one liberation over the other. I will have both or I will die trying. I don’t have the ability to choose race over gender or gender over race.
If your empowerment or motivation for women ignores patriarchy, sexism, or misogyny your intent is dishonest and you should shut up. It doesn’t cost shit to be honest. If your empowerment ends as soon as you stop talking, you should’ve stayed quiet in the first place. You have to be honest, you have to be introspective, you have to be inclusive, and you have to be genuine.
If it requires more than a basic level answer/explanation, I usually ignore it. When the oppressed spend time educating their oppressors, they are taking time away from their pursuance of liberation, and are distracted with the needs of their oppressor.
When we say, men are trash, we mean all men, in all ways, are trash. Listen to us before you interrupt us and talk over us to tell us how to navigate our oppression. Men being trash extends beyond their involvement with their significant other.
If I love you, and you love me, we owe it to each other, and to our respective relationship to be honest.